The RULES! -
Rule 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Rule 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
Rule 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
Rule 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Rule 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, you may complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
Rule 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
Rule 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
Rule 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
Rule 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
Rule 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight partially clothed or naked.
Rule 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Rule 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
Rule 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
Rule 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
Rule 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
Rule 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
Rule 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, unless she's withholding sex pending your response.
Rule 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
Rule 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Rule 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
Rule 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
Rule 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Rule 26: Thou shall not buy a car or motorcycle in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
Rule 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
Rule 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Figure Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Official Rules of Calling Shotgun!!
Here are the official rules of calling shotgun, in my eyes and hopefully yours as well
1. The shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be called regardless of whether the driver is in sight of the car
2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey you are automatically given shotgun. You retain this position for the entire journey, unless you violate rules 11, 16, 22 or any other rules stipulating the loss of shotgun.
3. You cannot declare shotgun if someone has previously declared shotgun for that journey.
4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from all the people who called.
5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi-storey or underground car park!)
6. Shotgun cannot be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey.
7. Once shotgun has been called the driver has the option of a reload. The driver yells “reload” and this means that all previous calls of shotgun are void and the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat. This is helpful if the driver really doesn’t like the person who first called shotgun. It is often used when there is a simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome. Note that a shotgun has only 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once.
8. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back right can be called. This effectively leaves the slowest person to travel in the middle (of the “b**ch” seat).
9. Because everyone is created equal, men have the same right to the front seat of the car as women (ie women don't own the front seat!).
10. If the regular driver of the vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given shotgun.
11. Once the journey has begun, the driver is the obvious controller of the tunes. However if they feel the road requires their full attention, or they simply cannot be arsed any more, duty is passed to the shotgunner. However putting on crap tunes or allowing for silence when the iPod finishes a song or ANY instances of TAKE THAT will result in demotion to b**ch seat.
12. Anyone calling shotgun must have his or her shoes on. This is to stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on and slowing the journey. This is known as the Shoe Rule.
13. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsies and other girly calls!
14. Despite the debate, shotgun CAN be used to shotgun things other than the front seat (eg back left, back right, women, not going to answer the door, etc).
15. When travelling with a couple, one of the couple MUST shotgun the front. No one wants to chauffer two of their mates whilst they are in the back all over each other.
16. If someone has successfully called shotgun, they have the right to the front seat. They do not have the right to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left here you dickhead!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was driving"). If the passenger does this, then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder.
17. If someone says, "what’s shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk.
18. If the shotgunner attempts to open the door just as the driver is unlocking it and jams the lock half open so that the driver needs to lock it and unlock it again, the shotgunner forfeits their position. This is known as shotgun suicide.
19. The holder of shotgun assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off license nipping into, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is in essence the copilot and therefore the enforcer of behavior in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/water spraying/bag throwing at the passengers in the back.
20. Automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This law states that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, this person has the right to the seat of their choice.
21. If one of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the event of more than one pirate being present, a sword fight shall determine the successful shotgunner. This is known as The Pirate Rule.
22. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout out the window, "who's walking who?” It is the shotgunner’s responsibility and failure to spot potential heckling, results in demotion to the b**ch seat!
23. When riding in a 2 or 3 door car, it is the responsibility of the shotgunner to allow rear passengers in and out of the back of the car, NOT THE DRIVERS!! Regardless of the weather conditions.
24. Obviously the previous rule on the subject didn’t clarify things completely with everyone coming up with a new rule that over rules shotgun. NOTHING overrules shotgun. Shotgun is final and cannot be overruled!!!!
25. It is the successful shotgunners responsibility to be on the look out for any police and/or speed cameras. if the shotgunner doesn't spot a speed camera and this results in a speeding ticket it is immediately their fault and not the drivers.
History Lesson:
The name for the seat (or seats) adjacent to that of the driver comes to us from the American "old"/"wild" west. Aside from a railroad ticket, Stagecoach was the only means of transport during this period. Stagecoaches were also a common means of transporting things of value (eg... payroll money, high ticket merchandise). In this period of lawlessness and hostile (with every right) natives, protection was necessary. Admittedly most people back then were packing some heat, but for added safety, a stagecoach would always have an extra man. He would sit right next to the driver and was armed with a shotgun. This was known as riding shotgun; hence we have “shotgun” to call the front seat of a vehicle.
1. The shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be called regardless of whether the driver is in sight of the car
2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey you are automatically given shotgun. You retain this position for the entire journey, unless you violate rules 11, 16, 22 or any other rules stipulating the loss of shotgun.
3. You cannot declare shotgun if someone has previously declared shotgun for that journey.
4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from all the people who called.
5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi-storey or underground car park!)
6. Shotgun cannot be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey.
7. Once shotgun has been called the driver has the option of a reload. The driver yells “reload” and this means that all previous calls of shotgun are void and the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat. This is helpful if the driver really doesn’t like the person who first called shotgun. It is often used when there is a simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome. Note that a shotgun has only 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once.
8. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back right can be called. This effectively leaves the slowest person to travel in the middle (of the “b**ch” seat).
9. Because everyone is created equal, men have the same right to the front seat of the car as women (ie women don't own the front seat!).
10. If the regular driver of the vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given shotgun.
11. Once the journey has begun, the driver is the obvious controller of the tunes. However if they feel the road requires their full attention, or they simply cannot be arsed any more, duty is passed to the shotgunner. However putting on crap tunes or allowing for silence when the iPod finishes a song or ANY instances of TAKE THAT will result in demotion to b**ch seat.
12. Anyone calling shotgun must have his or her shoes on. This is to stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on and slowing the journey. This is known as the Shoe Rule.
13. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsies and other girly calls!
14. Despite the debate, shotgun CAN be used to shotgun things other than the front seat (eg back left, back right, women, not going to answer the door, etc).
15. When travelling with a couple, one of the couple MUST shotgun the front. No one wants to chauffer two of their mates whilst they are in the back all over each other.
16. If someone has successfully called shotgun, they have the right to the front seat. They do not have the right to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left here you dickhead!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was driving"). If the passenger does this, then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder.
17. If someone says, "what’s shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk.
18. If the shotgunner attempts to open the door just as the driver is unlocking it and jams the lock half open so that the driver needs to lock it and unlock it again, the shotgunner forfeits their position. This is known as shotgun suicide.
19. The holder of shotgun assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off license nipping into, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is in essence the copilot and therefore the enforcer of behavior in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/water spraying/bag throwing at the passengers in the back.
20. Automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This law states that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, this person has the right to the seat of their choice.
21. If one of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the event of more than one pirate being present, a sword fight shall determine the successful shotgunner. This is known as The Pirate Rule.
22. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout out the window, "who's walking who?” It is the shotgunner’s responsibility and failure to spot potential heckling, results in demotion to the b**ch seat!
23. When riding in a 2 or 3 door car, it is the responsibility of the shotgunner to allow rear passengers in and out of the back of the car, NOT THE DRIVERS!! Regardless of the weather conditions.
24. Obviously the previous rule on the subject didn’t clarify things completely with everyone coming up with a new rule that over rules shotgun. NOTHING overrules shotgun. Shotgun is final and cannot be overruled!!!!
25. It is the successful shotgunners responsibility to be on the look out for any police and/or speed cameras. if the shotgunner doesn't spot a speed camera and this results in a speeding ticket it is immediately their fault and not the drivers.
History Lesson:
The name for the seat (or seats) adjacent to that of the driver comes to us from the American "old"/"wild" west. Aside from a railroad ticket, Stagecoach was the only means of transport during this period. Stagecoaches were also a common means of transporting things of value (eg... payroll money, high ticket merchandise). In this period of lawlessness and hostile (with every right) natives, protection was necessary. Admittedly most people back then were packing some heat, but for added safety, a stagecoach would always have an extra man. He would sit right next to the driver and was armed with a shotgun. This was known as riding shotgun; hence we have “shotgun” to call the front seat of a vehicle.
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